“The Penis” by Hanif Kureishi starts with a hairdresser named Alfie. He tries to recall what happened the previous night to tell his wife about his evening out and discovers that he has brought home a penis. Disgusted, his wife asks him to take the penis out of her house. Walking the streets with the penis in his pocket, Alfie decides to take it to a sculptor who could use it. However, when he sees a policeman heading towards him, he drops it on the street as if by accident. A girl comes running after him with the bag containing the penis and gives it back to Alfie, assuming he dropped his lunch. Alfie tosses the penis over a bridge and walks away after he realises it is going to fall on a cruise ship.

A porn star named Doug wakes up in his apartment and realises that his penis is gone....

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